so far, it goes

Dear Heart,

So far, I’m surviving. I’m trapped but I am surviving. I am bound so tight. The thought haunts me; the thought of never being able to leave.

Money is a rare substance; a substance that I am unable to uphold and keep. Our world is highly controlled where everything revolves around money. Food, travel, objects, transit, and even animals. ALL of which are controlled by money. Nothing enters our hands unless it is paid for with government regulated green paper.

For a person like me, (an average Joe), I am viewed as a fill space. I work to uphold the very little that I have just to go work and do it all again the next day. I go to school full time in hopes that someday I will be able to afford the life I want to live.

So far, I’m upset. I’m struggling. I am aware that many others like myself are working their asses off and then receiving the least, it’s just so damn upsetting that many have to throw away the lives they have dreamt of living since the day they could walk and talk just so they can afford to survive. Not to live, but just to survive.

It is the wasted potential that haunts me. It haunts me in my head and in my dreams. It is a disastrous nightmare.

Surving and living are two completely different things. Surviving is surrounded by the wasted potential that you know you could be doing better but you are held back by that one small thing. “DAMNIT I could do that one thing I really wanna do but yeah oops I forgot that I’m really kinda POOR.”

So, then what is it about the “fill spaces” such as myself? The fill spaces serve the public. We wipe the asses of the folks who are not quite fond of wiping that shit themselves and I can‘t say I’d blame them. This side of the mountain is cold and entirely full of frozen, nasty, low calorie dinners that taste exactly how they sound. Yet, the company that made them are insanely much more rich than the most of us.

I am tired. AND I AM going to be that astrological bitch and say: “I am a dried up Cancer in NEED of some fresh, salty, ocean water not quite found where I have been planted.“ It is always a delight to run dramatically into the waves of the ocean while feeling more at home than you have ever felt in your entire life of living; even if it is soooo heckin’ cold to the point where your legs might just fall off and you wouldn’t even know it. I am not really sure how I got on this topic. I was gonna write all about changing my diet and lifestyle cause I feel shit, but I guess this was more of an underlying frustration I needed to get out.

With love,

Corissa