lightly seasoned chicken boobs

Dear Heart,

Through all of the rain and the musky breeze, there is a beauty to this season. A season where warmth fills my cheeks. The sense of spicy pinecones when I walk through the front door and the treat of afternoon naps when the heater turns on higher than 76 degrees. This Christmas feels different. I am searching for new ways to create these holiday memories where I can remember them forever. I want to create a sense of joy when I look back onto the days where I was able to defeat the winter seasonal sadness that usually comes for an annual visit.

Firstly, I wish to make a blanket for my mother. I know that sounds really corny and like I am about to break into song on a Hallmark commercial, but a trip to JOANN Fabrics is necessary in order to obtain that meter of fabric I need to make this damn gift. Secondly, I’m going to church. I mean not like to listen to the pastor, the bishop, the father, or like whatever people call those dudes that preach jibber jabber about Jesus. I’m going to church to admire the architecture and structure that the different cultures have created. These artistic beauties can be found all over downtown Boise and I am going to pay these folks a visit. Thirdly, I will make that delicious gingerbread house with my boyfriend that we bought nearly a month ago on Black Friday that has just been casually sitting on the dinner table awaiting its moment of fame. Fourthly (?), it is time for eggnog my dudes. And maybe some hot chocolate and marshmallows but let's not push it.

I know that it is a possibility that my family will be away for Christmas. My mom is getting new kidneys. (Congratulations mama! I know how long and how hard you have been working to be able to achieve that honor and I will be forever grateful that you have shown me the strength you have had to get through these tough times.) Even though it is possible I will not see my parents for Christmas, I know that they will be receiving the best gift possible in good health.

I want to design guidelines that I, as a seasonal depression survivor, can futurely build upon. I know how hard it can be to get up out of your warm bed in the mornings and try to force yourself into the shower with your teeth chattering and a large awakening doom in your chest. This doom in your chest that you feel is merely a sadness or loss of serotonin. When the sun is less present in our daily lives, it can take a toll on our mental health and create a situation where we find the holiday season less joyful than that of what we remember as children.

Here is a list of things that I wish to accomplish in order to support my mental health over the course of the next few winter months:

1. The gym. Go to the damn gym Corissa. You know your anxiety gets bad when you don’t work off that extra energy. Don’t forget to stretch in between gym days you heathen.

2. Vitamin D supplements. Must I say more?

3. Go out. Take some pictures with your DSLR camera you GOON.

4. Oranges. Eat them. Vitamin C in, and all that nasty stuff out.

5. Write your dad a damn song. How many more years must he plead?

6. Clean your car, it looks wretched.

7. Take Cassie and Vivian (your dogs) on an adventure. It doesn’t matter where, just take them.

8. Organize your room. How many more times must you trip on your way to the bathroom at 3 AM?

9. Learn how to cook B E T T E R. You do realize you ruin the chicken breast every time you over-do the seasoning right?

10. Baths. Get in them. I know you hate sitting in your own nasty body soup, but those bath bombs and those epsom salts really do work.

P.S. (Make some sugar cookies and decorate them while watching A Charlie Brown Christmas.) Your soul will thank you.

With love,

Corissa