dominate the game

Dear Heart,

I apologize I have not written in what some would say a HOT ASS MINUTE. But hey. Thanks for waiting for me. I’ve been completely swamped in work and school and just life. I left my childcare job for something a whole lot different. I was unhappy and I felt like I was cheating myself and neglecting a part of myself that deserved to be noticed and appreciated. I was craving something that would throw me off the cliff into the depths of media.

I got a job working for a local real estate company here in Boise. Never would I have thought I would be working as a Social Media Marketer. Tbh.. I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing. I walk into the office everyday completely blind as to what is going to be thrown at me next. Call to action posts, drilling signs, prepping mail out letters, designing post cards for clients, creating marketing graphics, filming videos of neighborhoods and the places of Boise that have a high tourist rate, and just about anything under the entire sun. It’s completely bizarre.

I am crazy ass stressed out. I mean I’m really happy and proud of myself for achieving my goal of finding a job like this. I have learned so much already, enough to say that I have learned way more in the past few weeks than in college itself. The scariest part is that I graduate next year. All of these years that I thought would never end; that I believed I could never beat; is almost over.

I can’t let myself get too comfortable though...because I’m gonna have to work my ass off and save a whole lot of cash. I am getting out of here. By the summer of 2022, I’ll be setting off to a place far from home. I’ve never imagined myself anywhere but here. Nowhere other than Boise.

I am terrified. I have no idea where I will be in a year. I mean there are ideas of locations I would move to, but the fact that nothing is really set in stone until I’m signing a lease in some crazy city with a crazy job...I’m scared shitless. I envision myself as a lost child stumbling into that office giving everything I have and just merely throwing up everything inside of me onto that desk.

I have been pretending for weeks. “Corissa can you do this?”, as I always reply with “yes”, never “no”. Even if I have know idea what the hell she is talking about.

Stressed to the moon and back and I am not looking forward to those two other classes that will be starting in March. Seven week classes kill. And as a senior, I will struggle to survive. Where there are tears, there is growth. Fear brings out a state of survival, a state where you prove to yourself that you are worthy of the trust you have been given by others. I have no sense of an idea where I will be in a year but I will for sure have become someone within a dream I would have never thought would come true.

With love,

Corissa