growing pains: Alexa, queue “Start of Something New” by Troy Bolton & Gabriella Montez

Dear Heart,

With a rough face plant in the dirt to start, I have concluded to continue to worry about me. Just me. I have not given up on the people whom I have hurt in the past, and as hard as it is to say goodbye, it must happen.

Sometimes things are just not meant to be. People get hurt and that’s okay. People move on and that’s okay. People grow into themselves and that is okay. People begin to learn and that is okay.

To all the people who I have reached out to, I am glad you are happy now. It is the only thing that I would ever want you to be. I could apologize forever and ever and nothing would ever change. Not because it is not supposed to but because it is uneccesary. There are things that are just meant to be left alone. And no matter how hard you try to prove that you care, they just don’t.

Everyone lives and fucks up. Everyone makes wrong decisions that impact their lives in a negative way. Sometimes you have to do things more than twice to figure out that: “Honey, that shit is just not meant for you and I don’t understand how many more times you have to fuck up to realize that.” Stop texting them babe. If they wanted to be worth your time, they would make that clear to you.

It’s just I want so badly for everyone to be okay. I want everyone to be happy.

One thing that I am consistently fucking up is not making myself happy. I care so much about other people’s emotional state that I don’t even prioritize my own. I’m so worried about what other people think of me and what they are telling their friends. I care about the words that are coming out of their mouth right now. They could be true or could not be true, but whether it’s happening or not I should give less of a shit that it’s happening. And that is why I am ready to leave it in the past.

It is time to reward those people who are with me right now. The people in my life right now are the priority. They are the people that will feed into my future. The people of the past should remain a story of the past. No matter how much it hurts.

You just can’t make people want you.

I don’t want to live in a world where I walk down the street afraid of who I will see.

”What do I do if…?”

And that’s just it; life is not fair. We don’t always get what we want. We almost never get the answers we deserve. We never stop caring. It is now time to focus on what is happening right now. Corissa, you have a boyfriend who sticks by your side through all of your shit. The unexpected plummeting moods, that one time you laughed so hard you cried. The times he encourages you to play your music again because every once in a while you forget you exist and sing out loud in the car. And just in that single small moment he hears your voice, and he says it’s beautiful. He gives up so much only to give you the love that you’ve wanted. The love that you have been searching for all of this time is here right now and you need to give him the respect and the uttermost divine companionship that you have ever given anyone in your whole life. Because that man right there is not just your lover; that’s your best friend. And babe he might just be the one.

Now, it is also time to give the spotlight over to your girls. The bomb ass hotties that have got your back when you be at the club looking like a giraffe in your crazy high platform wedge heels. They have been there from the start. They have stuck with your crazy ass through everything. The heart breaks, the trying times, and the moments when you just can’t handle that clownery shit any longer.

Also, you had a child previously. A dog to be exact. Stay on top of that one, girl.

Ah. And then the hard part. Be yourself. Pick up your dusty guitar and play it. Write a song. The kids you take care of at your job found your TikTok and now they won’t leave you alone. Also your dad won’t either. The people want you to sing and be happy. So just do it. :)

With Love,

Corissa